


Of Pride and Weakness

by junko



Series: Chasing Demons [5]
Category: Bleach
Genre: M/M, Original Character(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-18
Updated: 2012-10-18
Packaged: 2017-11-16 14:03:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,531
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/540238
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/junko/pseuds/junko
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Byakuya tells Rukia the story of how he met Hisana, and discovers the joys of following the letter of the law--but not the spirit.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Of Pride and Weakness

**Author's Note:**

> WARNING: I made some stuff up about Hisana/Byakuya you may not like. For me it answers the questions that have always plagued me: 1) how the heck did someone of Byakuya's social status EVER meet someone like Hisana, 2) why Byakuya talks about his marriage in terms akin to it being "illegal", 3) why they never had children, and finally, 4) why she calls him Byakuya-sama after being married for so long. 
> 
> For me this is my answer. It may not work for you. Regardless, I'd love to hear your opinon of it. I hope I didn't mess with your ideals of either of their characters too much.
> 
> Also for all that there were things I didn't like about some of the portrayals of certain zanpaktou in the Zanpaktou Rebellion filler arc, I loved Senbonzakura. That externalization makes his appearance here.

Byakuya clung weakly to his steward, Eishirō, trying not to scream--all this effort, and for such a deeply humiliating bodily function on top of it all. He wanted to die. No, he wanted to kill someone, crush that weasel Gin Ichimaru and shatter the poison-spewing Shinsō into a thousand pieces.

“Your… reistsu, my lord,” Eishirō gasped.

Now Byakuya was even more embarrassed. He took deep, steadying breaths and got himself under control. At least the flush of spiritual energy gave Byakuya the physical strength to clean himself, while Eishirō took a moment to steady trembling muscles and catch his breath.

“My deepest apologies,” Byakuya said, as the steward assisted him back to the bed,

The steward seemed unfazed as he helped Byakuya sit upright, and tucked the blankets around Byakuya’s lap. “Think nothing of it. It’s not surprising that weakness frustrates a man such as yourself, sir.” When he stepped back, he gave Byakuya a bright smile, and a slight bow, “At any rate, such events bring back fond memories of your youth, my lord.”

Byakuya let out a little snort. When he was such a brat that he would delight in such a show of power over others? Indeed.

“Shall I let the Lady Kuchiki through? She’s anxious to see how you’re faring today.”

“Of course,” Byakuya said, though he could feel the brief swell of energy draining from him rapidly. He leaned his head back against the headboard to wait. Just above him, he could feel the presence of Senbonzakura; its songs filled his head again, adding strength and calm. Trust Renji to completely violate the zanpaktō’s sacred space in order to bring the sword nearer. Still, Byakuya could hardly deny that it had helped.

His dreams had changed once the zanpaktō was with him. They’d stopped being pain and jumbled thoughts, and, instead, Byakuya dreamed of Sebonzakura’s externalization, the mysterious fully-armored samurai, with its fanged oni mask. They hadn’t spoken, but just stood facing each other on the dusty plain of the battlefield on which they’d fought Ichigo Kurosaki. In the dream, Senbonzakura had knelt down and picked up a mask from the ground. In anger, Senbonzakura had flung it aside violently. A sense that it was coming back, boomerang-style, to attack them, had woken Byakuya with a start.

The sword clearly blamed their defeat on Ichigo’s Hollow side.

Byakuya wasn’t as certain.

He touched the spot on his heart where Zabimaru’s fang had seemed to pierce him.

Byakuya had lost the battle in his heart.

His unwavering focus and determination had already begun to crumble when he’d faced Renji. Renji’s passion to save Rukia, his idea that family was more important than the law, had already begun to worm its way under Byakuya’s defenses. After defeating Renji, Byakuya had been unwilling to land the killing blow… his resolve had already weakened.

Ichigo’s ferocity had broken the rest of the way through.

Without the first, Byakuya wasn’t sure he’d have lost the second.

Above him, Senbonzakura made a disagreeing, almost pouting sound. It was clear that the zanpaktō didn’t like the idea of his wielder lacking intent to kill. “What would you have had us do?” Byakuya asked Senbonzakura. “If we’d won the battle, we’d have lost so much more.”

Moments later, Rukia cautiously peeked around the corner into the bedroom. Her big, purple eyes were bright with a mixture of hope and concern. Her smile was shy.

He beckoned her in. It saddened Byakuya how timid she was around him still. Though he’d saved her life, he hadn’t entirely earned her trust, had he? She had no reason to expect any better treatment then she’d had before. After all, she hadn’t stopped looking like Hisana. The only difference now was that she knew the story he should have told her from the beginning.

She knelt on the floor and took his hand. “How are you this morning, nii-sama?”

“Awake,” he said, “Which is impressive since I haven’t had any tea.”

“Oh! Should I ring for a servant?” She looked ready to scramble up and fetch one, but Byakuya squeezed her hand lightly.

“No, I’m certain breakfast is already on its way,” he said. “The staff has been pushing food and drink at me the second I’m conscious.”

She finally seemed to catch on to his gruff teasing and lightly scolded him, “You should try to eat when you can, you know. Otherwise, how will you get better?”

He grunted, “Sheer force of will?”

She smiled at his grumpiness. It was hard not to see Hisana in that fond glance, but Byakuya tried to focus on the subtle differences. There weren’t many, perhaps a slightly sharper chin or thicker eyelashes.

Normally, he would be forced to look away now, but instead, he said, “You look so much like her. It hurts sometimes.”

Rukia flinched a little at his honesty and she dropped her gaze. “You loved her a lot.”

“I did,” Byakuya said, “With my whole heart.”

“Will you tell me about her? How did you meet her?”

The serving girl came in with breakfast. Byakuya could smell the pungent, almost cheese-like smell of natto under the baskets. As he waited patiently as the girl poured the tea, he gestured for Rukia to join him on the bed. Rukia seemed surprised to be invited to such informality, but, if they were going to have a talk, she shouldn’t have to kneel so long on the floor. He knew Rukia still couldn’t last long like that, though she’d gotten much better at seiza over the years.

Once the girl had left, Byakuya let Rukia divvy up the food.

“We met just before I went to Academy,” Byakuya said, taking a sip of tea. The next part of the story was somewhat… indelicate. He needed to try to explain how he could have done something so seemingly dishonorable, so he started with a little background. “You must understand that at that time I had lost both my parents a few months earlier and my best and only friend had been branded a traitor and fled the Soul Society. I was feeling very bereft and lonely. I had just taken the genpuku, the coming of age ceremony, and was brimming with a sense of entitlement that comes of suddenly being the head of a powerful clan. Your sister was a desperately poor Inuzuri girl with few resources available for her. She was working as an orian.”

Byakuya waited to see if Rukia could make the connection with him having to say. Rukia’s eyes were wide and quivering, “You mean she was a—?”

“Paid companion,” Byakuya said before she could utter anything more impolite. Rukia’s face was draining of color, so Byakuya felt he needed to be clear, “I never purchased anything more than her company, you understand. It began as a false, fiscal relationship, but over time I grew very fond of her. When I found out that the feeling was genuinely mutual, I set up house for her near the Academy. I bought out her contract and she became my mistress.”

Byakuya paused to see if Rukia had anything to say to that. It all sounded so much more sordid out loud than it had been in reality. Rukia seemed a little pale, and she held her breath a little, as though withholding judgment until the story was over.

He glanced out the window, remembering those times. They were some of the best days of his life, but also the most troublesome. “Of course I’d been engaged to another since birth--a well-placed woman, not a member of the True First clans, but whose relations would have made powerful allies. My family would have allowed me keep Hisana if I wed the other as proscribed, but I refused. Having fallen head over heels for Hisana, I couldn’t bear to enter into a loveless marriage. There were a thousand arguments that winter, and I might have lost to tradition and pressure, except that I convinced auntie Masami to take my side. I told her that I was determined to never consummate with the other woman, and that I felt children conceived in love would make stronger, more loyal heirs. Aunt Massi always had a soft spot for babies, and I happily promised her a multitude of grandnieces and nephews to dote on. As it happened, she exercised vast influence with the family and I was eventually allowed, despite continuing resistance, to take Hisana as my legal wife.”

Rukia clutched the tea bowl in her hands; she seemed to be hanging on his every word now. “But… you never had any children, did you? How long were you married before Hisana got sick?”

“Six years. Plenty of time for children, but neither of us realized that her past would continue to haunt us. A previous aborted pregnancy had left my wife barren.” Byakuya took another sip of his tea. Hisana had been so ashamed when they’d found out the cause of their trouble. He never blamed her. He’d even lied to the family—said it was his fault, let them assume that he was somehow deficient in this matter. They never truly believed him or they would have removed him as clan head, but, had they known the truth, they would have most certainly demanded an annulment.

It was just another nail in Hisana’s coffin. Had there been children, hearts would have, if not melted, at least warmed, to their mother. As it was, she was seen as useless, not even capable of the simplest of a wife’s duties. It didn’t help that, throughout all this, she continued to be obsessed with finding Rukia. Hisana’s constant disappearances into the Rukongai kept rumors circulating that perhaps she was unable to leave behind her former profession and was cuckolding Byakuya at every opportunity.

But their love had withstood it all. Byakuya had truly believed nothing could come ever come between them.

And nothing had, except death.

“I’m so sorry,” Rukia said finally.

“Don’t be,” Byakuya assured her. “I don’t regret a moment of it. Children would have been a blessing, but Hisana’s love was the greatest joy of my life. If I’m sorry for anything, it’s not marrying her sooner.”

“I wish I could have known her,” Rukia said wistfully.

Byakuya took a bite of the soybeans, “As do I. She had a wicked, sly sense of humor that never failed to surprise me. She was extremely well-read, and had a fondness for the spectacle of kabuki, so we attended a lot of shows. In fact, we were very active in the avant garde social scene, and entertained a lot of actors and artists.” Byakuya laughed a little at the memory, “The Kuchikis briefly became quite famous patrons of the arts, if you can believe that. There was always something happening here at the estate. She filled this huge, empty place with so much laughter and energy. I was always proud to have her at my side; she was as charming as she was beautiful.”

Rukia was smiling now. “I… love imagining you as some kind of player in the party scene. It’s hard to even picture.”

Byakuya agreed. “It was a different time. She made me a better man.”

Rukia pushed some of the soybeans around on her plate. “Do you think you’ll ever marry again?”

“Now you sound like auntie Massi,” Byakuya said with a derisive snort and a light roll of his eyes.

Rukia looked horrified at that. She shook her head as if to banish the idea, and then took a thoughtful sip of tea. “I just want you to be happy like that again.”

Byakuya shook his head. “I may love again, but never like that.”

Rukia looked at him for a long time then. He could almost read the question in her eyes. What about Renji?

How could Byakuya explain that even suggesting he might love at all again was a big step forward?

He set his chopsticks in their holder. “I’m afraid all this talking has exhausted me.”

She took the hint and got up from the bed to make her goodbyes. At the doorway, she paused, “Thank you for telling me about my sister, nii-sama. I know it must be hard for you.”

“It is, but it reminds me of the good times we shared, as well.”

She bowed and left him.

 

#

Byakuya slept for a while after that, dreaming of theater shows and halls full of music. He dreamed of warm lips, gentle hands, and the soft curves he loved so well. Hisana was changing in his dreams, though, too. She was becoming more of a happy memory than a burdensome, crushing grief.

Even so, it was hard to wake up and find himself without her, alone.

Though on a more thorough examination of the suite, he discovered that wasn’t true. He wasn’t alone at all. Renji sat on the bench under the window, sound asleep. His head was tilted back against the sill, and his mouth hung open slightly. He snored loudly, and, with his body sprawled out, he looked like a complete and utter oaf of a bruiser. It was unbelievable at this moment to Byakuya that he found such a baboon attractive in any way.

Except, Byakuya couldn’t take his eyes off the tattoos visible at Renji’s neck, or stop admiring the way his broad, muscular chest rose and fell with each huffing breath. Eyes roamed down past trim waist to those impossibly long legs. Renji wasn’t that much taller than Byakuya, maybe three inches, but he seemed so gigantic at times.

And then the sunlight on his hair, making it glow like fire—enchanting.

Byakuya could watch him all day.

But, alas, Renji must have felt Byakuya’s gaze on him because he stirred. “Taicho?”

Always his captain. It never failed to please Byakuya to hear Renji call him that. “You were snoring.”

Renji stretched, popping shoulder muscles and cracking neck. “I must have fallen asleep. If I knew I was going to do that, I’d have crawled in with you.”

Byakuya nodded, disappointed as well. It was an odd new habit of theirs, but one he found surprisingly enjoyable. He might be a cover hog, but Renji Abarai was a world-class snuggler.

Renji got up and sat down on the edge of the bed. “The Third sorted everything with Sasakibe. He’ll be here this afternoon.”

“And the Third is incapable of telling me himself, because--?”

Renji kissed him lightly on the lips and smiled toothily, “Because he’s a chicken shit, that’s why.” Renji sat back. “He’s afraid to set foot in this place, scared of getting lost, I think. Or not bowing low enough to your steward.”

 _Not like you_ , Byakuya thought appreciatively, _so boldly stealing kisses at every opportunity these days_. Instead, he cocked an eyebrow and said dryly, “Indeed.”

Renji yawned and scratched his belly. “Rukia was sure giving me the stink eye all morning. Did you say something to her about… uh, ‘us’?”

“Most certainly not,” Byakuya said. Renji looked instantly uncomfortable at Byakuya’s quick response. Byakuya narrowed his eyes disapprovingly. “Have you?”

“Uh, well—“

Never a good start with Renji.

“I’m not exactly a master of subtly, okay?” Renji admitted, quickly turning belligerent, “But, you know, it’s not all on me that she figured it out. She noticed you kept my shirt.”

Byakuya still had Renji’s kisode under his pillow. It was unnerving to admit how much it comforted him to have Renji’s smell in bed with him—it was as though Renji’s animalistic traits were wearing off on him. He’d even woken once, with it curled in his fists pressed to his face, almost like a teddy bear.

Byakuya sighed. “It’s all right. Rukia should know. She’s important to us both.”

“Oh,” Renji seemed surprised and taken aback. Then, like a child suddenly allowed something he thought forbidden, he asked, “Really?”

Byakuya clenched his teeth. Why had fate caused him to be attracted to such a raving idiot? “Yes, Renji, really. If we’re going to carry on, we can hardly hide it from your best friend and my sister.”

Now his smile looked truly dopey. “So… we’re going to ‘carry on’?”

Could Renji sound more pathetically hopeful? “Of course, you idiot," Byakuya said. "Do you think I’d let you continue to kiss me otherwise?”

No surprise, Renji took that comment as an excuse to kiss him again. Byakuya had to admit that he was growing used to this… affection. He still wasn’t entirely comfortable with it. The intimacy of lip on lip, face-to-face, changed the dynamic of their relationship profoundly.

It made them equals.

Renji must have sensed Byakuya’s hesitation because when he broke from their kiss he was frowning. Of course with those ridiculous tattoos on his eyebrows and forehead, Renji always looked like he was scowling. But, his face was clearly pinched with concern as he stoked the side of Byakuya’s face gently--calloused fingertips rough against smooth skin. The sensation sent shivers down Byakuya’s spine.

“Something wrong, Taicho?”

“No,” he said honestly, because hearing Renji call him ‘captain’ after such a private, vulnerable moment made everything all right. “But you should probably go. I need to make myself ready for the First Division’s lieutenant.”

Renji nodded solemnly. “Right. I’ll get out of your way, then.”

“You’ll come back?”

Renji nodded, “Of course. Always.”

 

#

Byakuya had Eishirō dress him in his uniform. It was a long and painful process, but Byakuya got through it without accidentally hurting his steward or reinjuring himself. His only regret was that he wasn’t strong enough to actually sit anywhere that wasn’t the bed, which meant they’d had to bring in a stool for the lieutenant. It wouldn’t do to have him standing over Byakuya the whole time.

Sasakibe was such a strange man. His white hair and almost pupiless eyes made him look more like a wolf than a shinigami, yet he seemed to spend a lot of time being purposely innocuous and unassuming. A wolf in the fold, perhaps?

Certainly the captain-level reistsu he tried to conceal leant itself to that impression, as well.

Rather than bother with exchanging pleasantries, Byakuya got straight to the heart of the matter. “I accept the reinstatement of my lieutenant. I retract my official letter of protest.”

Thin eyebrows rose, but the lieutenant dutifully took a note. “We’ll take Abarai off medical leave, effective immediately.”

Byakuya nodded. “I will deal with his insubordination and the issues around his breech of confinement and ‘friendly fire’ internally.” The lieutenant made his notes and no other comment. “However, I’m curious to know what the head captain plans to do in regard to the crimes committed by my sister in the human world.”

Sasakibe looked up, confused.

“Rukia illegally gave her powers to a human. That’s still a crime, is it not?”

“I think she’s suffered enough, don’t you?”

Byakuya resisted rolling his eyes, but only barely. “I do. But your opinion of the matter isn’t my question, Lieutenant. Are the charges against her being dropped or is her sentence deferred?”

“Dropped,” he said authoritatively. “Clearly the crime was fabricated by Aizen.”

Byakuya frowned. He highly doubted that given the existence of one Ichigo Kurosaki. However, Byakuya didn’t argue. “Good,” he said, instead. “I don’t want this incident to mar her military record.”

“Understandable,” Sasakibe said, with a nod and another note.

“And me?” Byakuya asked. “Will there be charges of obstruction of justice brought against me or any of the other captains involved?”

“Of course not,” Sasakibe said. “Soldiers are allowed to resist an illegal order. All of the orders coming out of Central since the moment you and Lieutenant Abarai were sent to the human world have now been classified as illegal.”

Clever. That got almost everyone off the hook quite neatly. Except possibly Kenpachi for his random assault of fellow captains, but then that was Kenpachi. It would be useless to go after him for mindless assault, as that was his entire division’s motto.

“Very good,” Byakuya said. “That is all.”

#

Byakuya tried to sound severe as he listed out Renji’s crimes and subsequent punishments. For his part, Renji looked genuinely nervous. The Third Seat, likewise, was an appropriately solemn witness.

“…six month dock in pay,” Byakuya continued. He wasn’t surprised to see Renji wince. It was the one thing Byakuya was quite certain would actually hurt Renji at little. “Then two months double duty after a period of twenty-one days confined to quarters.”

It was, on paper, quite strict. No one in the division could have any arguments. In fact, Byakuya noticed the Third giving Renji a little sympathetic grimace.

With the proceedings being over, they began to file out.

“A moment more, Lieutenant,” Byakuya said in his iciest tone.

Renji flinched a little at the doorway, but then smartly turned on his heels and snapped to attention. “Sir?”

“Hmmmm, three weeks of confinement to quarters,” Byakuya noted with a serious sort of nod as though considering it, “I didn’t, however, stipulate whose….”

A very dim light dawned behind Renji’s eyes. “'Whose'? Uh….”

“Yes, Renji, I expect you in mine.”


End file.
